Anne Naylor

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CHAPTER 8
LOVING – the clear way forward into Health Wealth and Happiness

When clients come to me for Consultations they typically share one issue in common, and that is lack of clarity - or I suppose they would be up and doing on their own and would not need me. There are any number of reasons for this lack of clarity: they have reached a turning point in their life and do not see a way forward; they are confused by many mixed messages they have about themselves and what they think they should be doing, feeling, expressing, thinking, having; they are just feeling confused and usually, their sense of selfesteem has dropped.

A survey was once taken with a group of toddlers and it was noticed that for every one positive command they were given, there were 30 negatives: don’t do that, don’t do this, be quiet and so on. They were being given far more what not to do’s and fewer directions forward with what they could do, positively. Probably we have all grown up with difficult messages such as these.This is not to blame parents who have probably the most challenging role to play in the world - a role almost destined for failure, if we are to apply usual expectations of success on it.

The point is that no matter what obstacles we met on the way into adulthood, we always have the choice now to upgrade the messages we received then, to be more honouring of ourselves and others. In fact, those very obstacles can become our blessings in disguise because to heal ourselves, we must find and draw upon greater reserves of loving and personal resource to do so. This process of self-healing brings an abundance of gifts with it.

A block in our capacity for loving inhibits our possibility for health, wealth and happiness. To forgive and heal the block enhances our capacity for experiencing health, wealth and happiness. No matter how great the transgression against you, who made it and when, you nevertheless can let it go, through your loving and forgiveness, expanding into the greater freedom and that which you really want to experience.

Letting go of your pain from the past, limiting perceptions of yourself and beliefs you have held against yourself liberates you for creating the new and better life to take shape. A helping hand, or several, will be available for you when you are ready. Your intention to let go of what no longer serves you will attract to you the support you may need.

Practically speaking, it is not that difficult to do. However, you must want it enough to be willing to give up what has not been working for you, and supporting you to a lesser degree. And that part no-one else can do for you. Here is where enough loving can effect the most amazing transformations that I have seen, many many times.

HOW DOES “LOVING” WORK?

I hear myself asking the question. How does loving make the difference? When a person is stuck, more often than not, they rub salt into the wound by being very self-critical. Loving listens unconditionally and with respect for the process that the person is undergoing. Truth be told, it is likely that the person who suffers is unravelling a mystery about themselves, given half a chance and that mystery has to do with their innate goodness.

As a practitioner, I can hold a positive high regard for my client and even be excited for them that a wonderful aspect of their nature is in the process of being revealed. What I look for is what I expect to find, and indeed do find. I do not look to delve into the current issue, and how it may have shown up, where it came from and so on. The issue is not about who they truly are but simply an experience they are passing through. Like a sneeze, this issue too can potentially be easily forgotten as good things take its place.

With a little time and patience, the striking beauty in the person becomes apparent to me and they have expanded into qualities that go way beyond the issue they were sitting in. The session takes 2 hours which is longer than most therapists use. But then I am not a therapist as such. I facilitate awakening. A client often does not need more than one session with me because once they have stepped into their own clarity they know what they really want and what is more, have the confidence to head off in the direction to achieve it.

What I know for sure is that every single person in the world is blessed with extraordinary qualities of love, talent and all they could ever need to live a good life in this world. If so, then how come there is still so much suffering, lack and conflict? Because for the most part, those extraordinary human qualities are still hidden. Even, and sometimes particularly, in the most developed and “wealthy” parts of our world. Where we have been in hot pursuit of the money side of wealth, we are often no happier than those in the less developed parts of the world. We do not always enjoy the best of health, suffering the devastating effects of stress, anxiety, fear, doubt and anger.

LOVE AND NURTURE YOURSELF IN THE PROCESS OF REALIZING YOUR INTENTION

Lessons on how to love ourselves tend to be handed down from our adult parents and caretakers. As children we learn mainly by example. Did our parents know to take care of themselves in the best way? With all of our material affluence, do we really care for ourselves as well as we could?

Look through the suggestions below for taking care of yourself and rate on a scale of 1 to 10 (where 1 is low and 10 is high) the level of caring you presently extend towards yourself.

  • Accept yourself just as you are right now - you are enough
  • Acknowledge and appreciate your strengths and qualities
  • Be tender and patient with yourself when you make what seems like a mistake
  • Forgive yourself when you do less than you think is your best
  • Give yourself good nutrition and keep a healthy body weight
  • Regularly exercise your body in ways that are fun for you
  • Give yourself adequate rest, and sleep each night
  • Make time for pure pleasure
  • Manage your money in ways that support you
  • Hold a positive intention for yourself with happy thoughts and feelings
  • Enjoy loving relationships with your family and friends

Now if any of those are less than 10, what could you do to raise them to 10?

The goodness we extend to ourselves gets mirrored by those we spend time with. If our relationships with others are failing, we may need to step up the loving we have for, and express to, ourselves. When I point an accusing finger at someone else (whatever the accusation may be) three fingers point back at myself. I may not be able to change anyone else. I can change how I view myself with more loving acceptance, forgiveness and compassion.

How often do we find flaws and inadequacies in authority figures such as politicians, our boss, teachers or anyone we deem to have control over us? With love and tenderness towards yourself, you can probably assume some aspect of their perceived fault as your own - and change it, or at the least accept it.

SELF-VALUE - HONOUR YOUR VALUE AND VALUES

There is a little exercise you might like to do to increase your sense of selfvalue. The next time you are around a lot of people such as in a supermarket, at an airport at holiday time, or anywhere that is crowded, start looking to everyone you see to notice the value in each person. This does not mean staring at them so that they feel uncomfortable. Just glance in the direction of each one and notice intuitively one strength or quality you could appreciate in them.

To yourself you might say: the quality I appreciate in you is....

Then as you say it, own it for yourself with

I am or I have the quality of....... and the way I express that quality is.....

You will only notice qualities and strengths in others that you have in yourself, because we are mirrors to each other. By taking account of the value you see in another human, you are also taking stock of your own.

SUPPORTERS

No man is an island entire unto itself

It hurts me to see people suffering the effects of loneliness - perhaps because I have known those feelings of isolation and despair. None more so than in a marriage where I failed to communicate what was important to me. The blessing of writing Superlove went a long way towards healing the selfjudgments that created separation inwardly and with those I most loved.

However, as so often, that which was a curse (my self-judgments) turned into a blessing. My husband was a wonderful editor for me of both Superlife and Superlove. With Superlove, he pointed out to me how important friends are for most people. Out of an inappropriate dependency, I sacrificed friendships for the sake of the marriage. It was around the time of the divorce process that I started to make friendships like never before. The shields and layers of protection began to come down and I started becoming more truly who I am and happy to be so.

As a child, I loved chatting to people. It is in my nature to be sociable and enjoy meeting new people. As children we are closer to our natural joy, curiosity and enthusiasm for exploration, learning and discovery. The childlike state never leaves us, though it does get covered up. The innocence of our childlike state facilitates our connection with others because there are no issues in the way.

The innocence of our childlike state knows what it wants, what it needs and how to go about getting it. Have you ever seen a determined child in pursuit of what he or she wants? Unless we put ourselves in a cave on a mountain, the chances of our being physically isolated are small. If anything, we tend to be surrounded by people. So how do we find and select those who will best support us in achieving what we want? How do we deal with the limiting effects of those who are less in rapport with us and our objectives? How can we best enrich ourselves with those we love and care for?

YOUR INNER CHILD AND BEST FRIEND

In this guided meditation, you will be making contact with the child within you, who will then give you some clear answers to the questions above.

Make sure you are in a comfortable position, will not be disturbed (if possible) and put aside other distractions so that you are as free as you can be to touch into a tender part of yourself. Your inner child. Start by taking some deep breaths and relaxing. Let go of any tension or stress. Feel yourself gradually becoming more peaceful and attuned to a deeper part of your nature.

Bring to mind one area of your life just now where you could use the support of one or more others in achieving what you want. It might be peace of mind, relaxation, a career goal, clarity in a relationship, a next step in a project you are working on, Look at this area of need objectively and see it for what it is. Nothing good or bad about it. An issue perhaps for which you would like some assistance, to resolve and be free.

Ask inwardly for the child within you to step forward so that you are aware of her or him. You are touched by the beauty of this small person as they radiate their innocence and love towards you. Send your love and acceptance to them and thank them for being willing to be with you now.

You start by asking if there is anything they would like from you. Pause and listen inwardly for any response they might have. If they tell you, see how you can find a way to fulfil their request. It could be a simply: “It’s a beautiful day - can we go for a walk?” Whatever you hear, respond with acceptance and unconditional loving. There may be no action to take. Being heard uncritically is what most of us most want. Give this gift to yourself now.

With the issue you are facing, you can ask your Child if they would be willing to help you. Listen for their response. If they respond yes, put the question to them. If no, accept that answer and ask for another time when they might be able to help you. Accept and co-operate with this source of power and love within you. Listen for their answers and thank them. See how you can work with what they give you. Make a commitment inwardly to taking action, based on the evaluation of the guidance you receive.

Notice a new level of freedom and enthusiasm filling you as you receive from your own well of wisdom and innate strength. Know that what you have within you is also within everyone else. Some of those around you will have answers to the questions you have. See who comes to mind now and send them your love.

Envisage a network of wisdom and support all around you, a network that is looking to you to give you what you need now. This network is more extensive than you had ever imagined. It is there for you, to give to you unconditionally. You know deep down that the gifts you have you will give also unconditionally and freely because in that giving you become part of this greater network. In giving, you receive. Your needs are met more abundantly than you could have anticipated.

Within you, you find yourself awakening to a sense of awe and wonder. You are aware of all the cells in your body resonating to a higher frequency of love, joy and peacefulness. You feel yourself to be at the same time, more tender and yet more powerful than ever before. You can see your beauty radiating within and around you.

It is these qualities that you can now imagine yourself taking into the world, towards those who will love to support you - you will naturally attract them to you, into the relationships you value and treasure, to be free around those who are less in rapport with you. You find yourself standing forward as who you are more powerfully than ever before, while at the same time without being against anyone else. In this high vibratory frequency, you are perfectly at home in yourself and in the world around you.

Take some more deep breaths and with these qualities still very present within you, become aware of your surroundings, get up, move around and if you can drink some water.

AS WITHIN, SO WITHOUT

Your first line of support is always with yourself. To receive from others, make sure you are receiving from yourself. Nurture yourself; nurture your vision. Spend time with you, spend time with your vision. Look to support others in their dreams and objectives. Stay in touch with your passion, enthusiasm and joy - the precious child within you that will respond to your loving, compassion and forgiveness. Love and bless the challenges and difficulties - they will turn into your blessings in disguise. Have fun, enjoy yourself.
 

Be willing to ask for what you want - and be open to receive it. Receive with a grateful heart. The gratitude you experience and express will attract more of the good to you. This is a good life. This life is a gift. You can give it to yourself, and through you, bless your world with your own unique qualities and talents.  

Contact Anne

You are invited to get in touch for an initial, no obligation, call to explore how I may assist you.

Email: annenaylor@mac.com

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